Mid-life awakenings
It frequently happens in middle age, that sudden onset of a seeming temporary flight of fancy that discards plans that had been built for years in pursuit of an elusive dream, a forgotten cherished hobby, or passions that had once been sacrificed on the altar of pragmatism. A highly successful magazine editor, on top of her game, quits the prestige, the perks, and the power…to just “help out” in a small family-owned resort in a distant province. A communications executive who turns her back on a stable and high-paying job to finally concentrate on acting…and in the low-paying theater circuit, to boot. An educator who has a couple of degrees and several published journals to her name eventually eschews the academic life to learn and teach…the more physical, sensual art of spa massages.
That it usually happens when one reaches his or her 40’s is no accident. As told to me by a friend and colleague who experienced one such internal revolution, it’s like some kind of subconscious realization dawns that the mid-mark of life has been passed. A first half of a person’s living years is over—and he is facing the final second act of his life, with lesser energy, lesser physical stamina, resources that now demand some kind of prioritization for its use, and perhaps narrower choices.
The sum total effect of all these comes like an emotional thunderbolt: “I don’t have a lot of time to do the things I’ve always wanted to do, things I gave up for family and financial security. I can’t afford to waste the few years I have left. It’s now or never! Bust or die!”
And that explains the burst of fresh adrenaline which makes middle-aged people start acting like adolescents out to have a good time in the second and last great party of their lives.
The good news is, middle-age is being redefined these days when medical technology can remove a considerable number of pounds and the explosion of information can unleash the pent-up creativity you did not even know you had. It has been said that 50s is the new 40s and 60s is the new 50s and so on…Hey, if Jane Fonda can learn mountain climbing at the age of 70, then perhaps all of us are entitled to some bit of hope.
Some of those who’ve left their comfort zones have succeeded beyond their wildest dreams, others are still struggling—but the greatest failure would be to stop and just “settle for what’s left.”
Retirement in the autumn of our lives would be spent regretting what might have been. And ignoring these hidden inclinations that are hammering to burst through the surface would leave us stranded in a grey quagmire of nothingness where we live day to day in quiet desperation, as Henry Thoreau poignantly put it.
We shouldn’t be afraid when we start feeling this tug in our heart that starts off softly then escalates into a loud crescendo. Follow it—and see where it leads. The first dabs at painting, self-expression in a blog, teaching reading to less privileged children in an NGO, an intellectual hunger that leads you to dive back into graduate school. The journey could open small windows of opportunities that could transform into a second career.
Hopefully, at this age, we would have saved more, invested more, and can relax a little as far as earning our keep is concerned. This helps to bring into the center those passions that, as one career counselor put it, “we’d do with everything we got even if they don’t pay us for it.”
One way to rediscover that passion is to unclutter the mind. Sometimes, we can’t even actually experience feeling that we like this particular activity (even if we know we do) because our synapses are wired to focus their thoughts and energies on something that we’ve long regarded as more important. I literally rediscovered the sheer joy of reading a year after I substituted two deadline-oriented jobs that totaled 12 hours a day for one corporate job that saw me going home at 6 p.m. sharp. Previous to that, it wasn’t that I wasn’t reading, but every book I chose was always geared towards something that I could use in my job. It was like my brain was automatically wired to select a piece that would contribute more information relevant to my work. It took a year wherein I shifted careers temporarily before my grey matter could allow, acknowledge and enjoy the literary classics, comic books, and paperback bestsellers. Not that I’ll be following in the footsteps of J.K. Rowling in the near future, but I can actually feel that my Muse is acquiring some kind of second wind.
Jim Loehr, the career coach who has been instrumental in teaching battle-hardened executives on how to find and tap into that second wind, advocates creative and mental recharging for short periods of time in the workplace. A couple of chapters of a favorite book for the bibliophile, a walk down the company’s garden for the nature lovers, half an hour at the treadmill during lunch—all these “fun activities” enable the corporate athlete to get in touch with his inner “me”, affirm it, and unleash it.
Some of Loehr’s clients who’ve followed his program report a healthy rebound in work enthusiasm and performance excellence. Others who stretched those few minutes into regular, longer intervals outside of work and into their homes and hobby groups eventually reinvented themselves.
The much-feared mid-life crisis is also a landmark, a crossroad where one acknowledges his past accomplishments and then moves forward to realize the dreams he could never quite leave behind.
[Published in my Manila Bulletin column, May 9 2010.]
Thanks for sharing such a wonderful article with us.
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