With 2010 just around the corner, the dissatisfied and the searching will likely do their career shifting the first quarter. The bad news is that, the economy won't be making a strong economic upturn any time soon, says my friends in the industry. The good news is, the elections and all its resulting funds can create a buffer, at least temporarily.
For most of us working types, though, it's important that we greet this harsh brave new world that's getting harder by the minute with equally grim determination and a smart attitude if we are to swing it to our favor.
Click Here to Read More..
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
The serpent who walked
The Bible says that prior to the fall, the Serpent was one of the most striking (I won't say magnificent) creatures on earth, immensely intelligent and cunning, and he wasn't slithering either. It didn't crawl on its belly until it was punished for tempting man. This Chinese newspaper report of a snake which was born with one clawed leg could give an indication of what the Serpent in Genesis might have looked like.
Link courtesy of James Rollins' website:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/wildlife/6187320/Snake-with-foot-found-in-China.html Click Here to Read More..
Link courtesy of James Rollins' website:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/wildlife/6187320/Snake-with-foot-found-in-China.html Click Here to Read More..
Prayer to get me through the day
Actually, a heartfelt quotation from Blaise Pascal:
"Lord, help me to regard the big things as if they are little because I do them in Your power, and help me to regard the little things as if they are big because I do them in Your name." Click Here to Read More..
"Lord, help me to regard the big things as if they are little because I do them in Your power, and help me to regard the little things as if they are big because I do them in Your name." Click Here to Read More..
Saturday, December 5, 2009
The freedom that comes with saying 'No'
How do you say 'No' to loved ones?
It's easier said than done.
Especially if what's at stake is a child's future or a relative's health which just might be in crtical condition.
It becomes harder when the tears start flowing or the little type that happens to be your inaanak starts flashing that cute smile. Diyos ko po, ang hirap talaga. Our first instinct, especially as Filipinos, is to reach for our wallet - and if we're short on cash ourselves, call on the nearest friend to borrow so that we can give. And, off the bat, something is already wrong with that line of thinking.
Sometimes, this selfless-to-the-point-of-stupidity giving can become so ingrained in our system that unknowingly, the next request affects us as if it were emotional blackmail.
Over the years, until my emancipation, here are some mental counterchecks I've developed for self-preservation, without burning bridges or turning loved ones into enemies.
1. I ask myself first: should I give at all? There's nothing wrong with saying 'no'. One Christan motivational speaker helped assuage my guilt by pointing out that there were times Jesus Himself did not automatically grant the request of everyone who came to Him (Matthew 8: 18). And there were times He said 'No' to His own family (Luke 8: 19-21).
Another friend also pointed out that by unwittingly playing 'savior,' I just might be reducing the chances of that person approaching the real Savior. Here's where saying 'no' becomes clearly helpful to the one asking.
Where do I draw the line? First, if my giving encourages this person to continue asking, not just from me, but from other loved ones as well. I've become an enabler, encouraging his dependence and, yes, laziness. Giving him would not be helping him - he'd see it a signal of consent to every request he'll make.
I'll never forget the story shared to me by a friend who does interviews for staff recruitment. One applicant had two years of down-time, meaning no activity at all, not employment, not education, not even any attempt in doing part-time work or projects. He just bummed around the house. When asked why he didn't even make an effort at all, the would-be applicant just shrugged his shoulder, "My mom is in the US and supports me. I don't have to work. The only reason I'm here is that because she insists that I find and keep a job."
As you may have guessed, that applicant didn't get that job. He had no motivation, drive, or any sense of purpose. And by an unwitting act of generosity, his mother enabled him.
2. Next, are there other ways to help him beyond giving, like giving some sound career advice (e.g. "Look for a job, man") or showing him leads and opportunities that he can pursue?
As one wise man put it, stop giving him fish - show him how to wield that fishing rod.
3. I'm clear about my conditions - that while I love him, I wil not be an enabler. Saying 'no' is not an act of rejection, it's an act of love.
One relative who I really love like a son was failing in college. The usual distractions like girls and barkada were bringing his grades to an all-time low that dropping out and expulsion were becoming painful possibilities. He had to repeat a semester, which naturally infuriated his parents. Finally, when the thought had begun to dawn on him that his dad and mom may just give up altogether and not finance his schooling, he turned to me.
As I said, I love this boy. He was the first baby I looked after. The first one I took to the movies and the mall. The only one who could enter the inner sanctum that was my room everytime I was in my writer's snit (the other kids were wise enough to stay away).
It was not surprising that he came to me as a back-up.
Without blinking, and totally ignoring the pain squeezing my heart, I said 'No.' "Not until you shape up. Hanggang hindi ka tumino. I won't be a party to you throwing your life - and my hard-earned cash - away. I won't be helping you if I let you continue this destructive behavior."
I could tell that it hurt him, and he never asked again.
But saying 'No' didn't damage our relationship. It didn't even change it. We're still as close as before.
That's another advantage of saying 'No': finding out who really loves and values you for who you are, and not just for what you can give. Click Here to Read More..
It's easier said than done.
Especially if what's at stake is a child's future or a relative's health which just might be in crtical condition.
It becomes harder when the tears start flowing or the little type that happens to be your inaanak starts flashing that cute smile. Diyos ko po, ang hirap talaga. Our first instinct, especially as Filipinos, is to reach for our wallet - and if we're short on cash ourselves, call on the nearest friend to borrow so that we can give. And, off the bat, something is already wrong with that line of thinking.
Sometimes, this selfless-to-the-point-of-stupidity giving can become so ingrained in our system that unknowingly, the next request affects us as if it were emotional blackmail.
Over the years, until my emancipation, here are some mental counterchecks I've developed for self-preservation, without burning bridges or turning loved ones into enemies.
1. I ask myself first: should I give at all? There's nothing wrong with saying 'no'. One Christan motivational speaker helped assuage my guilt by pointing out that there were times Jesus Himself did not automatically grant the request of everyone who came to Him (Matthew 8: 18). And there were times He said 'No' to His own family (Luke 8: 19-21).
Another friend also pointed out that by unwittingly playing 'savior,' I just might be reducing the chances of that person approaching the real Savior. Here's where saying 'no' becomes clearly helpful to the one asking.
Where do I draw the line? First, if my giving encourages this person to continue asking, not just from me, but from other loved ones as well. I've become an enabler, encouraging his dependence and, yes, laziness. Giving him would not be helping him - he'd see it a signal of consent to every request he'll make.
I'll never forget the story shared to me by a friend who does interviews for staff recruitment. One applicant had two years of down-time, meaning no activity at all, not employment, not education, not even any attempt in doing part-time work or projects. He just bummed around the house. When asked why he didn't even make an effort at all, the would-be applicant just shrugged his shoulder, "My mom is in the US and supports me. I don't have to work. The only reason I'm here is that because she insists that I find and keep a job."
As you may have guessed, that applicant didn't get that job. He had no motivation, drive, or any sense of purpose. And by an unwitting act of generosity, his mother enabled him.
2. Next, are there other ways to help him beyond giving, like giving some sound career advice (e.g. "Look for a job, man") or showing him leads and opportunities that he can pursue?
As one wise man put it, stop giving him fish - show him how to wield that fishing rod.
3. I'm clear about my conditions - that while I love him, I wil not be an enabler. Saying 'no' is not an act of rejection, it's an act of love.
One relative who I really love like a son was failing in college. The usual distractions like girls and barkada were bringing his grades to an all-time low that dropping out and expulsion were becoming painful possibilities. He had to repeat a semester, which naturally infuriated his parents. Finally, when the thought had begun to dawn on him that his dad and mom may just give up altogether and not finance his schooling, he turned to me.
As I said, I love this boy. He was the first baby I looked after. The first one I took to the movies and the mall. The only one who could enter the inner sanctum that was my room everytime I was in my writer's snit (the other kids were wise enough to stay away).
It was not surprising that he came to me as a back-up.
Without blinking, and totally ignoring the pain squeezing my heart, I said 'No.' "Not until you shape up. Hanggang hindi ka tumino. I won't be a party to you throwing your life - and my hard-earned cash - away. I won't be helping you if I let you continue this destructive behavior."
I could tell that it hurt him, and he never asked again.
But saying 'No' didn't damage our relationship. It didn't even change it. We're still as close as before.
That's another advantage of saying 'No': finding out who really loves and values you for who you are, and not just for what you can give. Click Here to Read More..
Mind-body-behavior connection
Got this little gem from John Ortberg's "If You Want to Walk on Water, Get Out of the Boat:"
"...the law of cognition. You are what you think. Psychologist Archibard Hillar writes, 'Research has shown that one's thought life influences every aspect of one's being.' Whether we are filled with confidence or fear depends on the kind of thoughts that habitually occupy our minds.
Over the last thirty years or so, the most dominant movement in American movement is what is known as cognitive psychology - built around the truth that the way you think is the single most determinative thing about you.
The way you think creates your attitudes; the way you think shapes your emotions; the way you think governs your behavior; the way you think deeply influences your immune system and vulnerability to illness. Everything about you flows out of the way you think."
Makes me seriously wonder: once I remove the deadlines and the to-do list that I have to accomplish every single day, where do my thoughts lead? How do I see the situation that confronts me, or do I just shut down and tune out?
Let's go deeper into the subconscious: again remove all the conscious vows and pre-conceived plans, what am I really? What hard fragment of thought fuels my motivation? Is it the little girl who was bullied by her older big brother? The favorite grandkid who wanted to please her lola? The 9-year-old who fell in love with the message of hope, optimism, and achievement embodied in the classic Star Trek TV series? Click Here to Read More..
"...the law of cognition. You are what you think. Psychologist Archibard Hillar writes, 'Research has shown that one's thought life influences every aspect of one's being.' Whether we are filled with confidence or fear depends on the kind of thoughts that habitually occupy our minds.
Over the last thirty years or so, the most dominant movement in American movement is what is known as cognitive psychology - built around the truth that the way you think is the single most determinative thing about you.
The way you think creates your attitudes; the way you think shapes your emotions; the way you think governs your behavior; the way you think deeply influences your immune system and vulnerability to illness. Everything about you flows out of the way you think."
Makes me seriously wonder: once I remove the deadlines and the to-do list that I have to accomplish every single day, where do my thoughts lead? How do I see the situation that confronts me, or do I just shut down and tune out?
Let's go deeper into the subconscious: again remove all the conscious vows and pre-conceived plans, what am I really? What hard fragment of thought fuels my motivation? Is it the little girl who was bullied by her older big brother? The favorite grandkid who wanted to please her lola? The 9-year-old who fell in love with the message of hope, optimism, and achievement embodied in the classic Star Trek TV series? Click Here to Read More..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
